Sometimes I wonder if I really did do something wrong. If maybe I gave nameless a reason to stop loving me...did I? Is it possible that love for someone could leave so quickly after being there for so long? (Answering my own question) No. Love doesn't just disappear. It doesn't just "die" even if the person hurt you really badly. But I'm still wondering if I did something way wrong because if I didn't...wouldn't he have done something by now? What switch could I have possibly flipped to make him, the one who made it crystal clear he wasn't leaving my side under any circumstance, actually turn his back on me for good?
I get so angry thinking about how I put my trust, my heart, into this guy. I didn't realize how much of "me" I gave him until he left. Sometimes I wonder if it was a waste of my time. I even wonder if I'm wasting my time giving him thought, and still loving him. I mean he made a complete fool out of me. Look, I'm completely exposing myself by writing a freaking blog about it. I don't know if he feels the same way, if he still thinks about me or if I'm even worth thinking about to him. All I know is that I don't see anything happening, I have no way of knowing, and it's making me feel like giving up.
So, am I really the bad guy? Why else would he just up and walk out of my life? And find every way to keep me out of his? Why else would his stare look like it could disintegrate me in seconds? How else did I come from being one of the closest people to him to being the person he pushed the furthest away? How does that work? How could he do that all for my best interest? Stupidity that's how. I'm done. Good night.
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