All I want under the Christmas Tree

It's no secret that if I could wish for anyone to be under my Christmas tree it would be Nameless. I can't help wondering if someday I'll be surprised. Like maybe he'll show up on my door step, maybe I'll get a random text or a phone call. Sometimes I think of it happening the way it does in one of those romantic hallmark movies, but of course I snap out of it.

To be honest, I was not excited for this Christmas because I knew that the one person who I wished were by my side today, wouldn't be. Christmas is supposed to be a happy day, and something to look forward to, but to me it's just another salty reminder. The "present" Nameless left me last Christmas season was a cold shoulder and a big box of pain. So being full of the Christmas spirit has been kind of hard lately.

But whether or not Nameless shows up on my doorstep, or pops up from behind the Christmas tree one day the most important thing is that I have my happiness first because my happiness does not depend on him. Nameless was a big part of my happiness but he was not the source of it. Jesus is. And Jesus is the reason for Christmas anyway, so before I go on wishing for Nameless to be under my Christmas tree, my wish first and foremost (and for life), is that Jesus will always remind me where the source of my happiness truly comes from.

So with that, Merry Christmas, and I truly hope you have a merry one. 

One Year...

It's hard to believe it's been one year when it still feels like it happened yesterday. But when I think back to how hurt I was, how crazy I felt, just a year ago...I can't help but to applaud God for helping me come this far. It's been a year of hurt, yes. A year of endless crying spells, yes. But each day has made me stronger. Even if sometimes I feel like crap or if I feel like the most pathetic person in the world, I'm still strong because I'm here and most importantly I'm sane.
I encourage anyone, even if it's not heartbreak, to keep standing strong in whatever you may be going through. Whether it's heartbreak, sickness, or some other tragedy, please stay strong. My last thing is that if someone doesn't understand or see your point of view it doesn't mean that you are stupid or pathetic for feeling the way you're feeling. You have every right to feel. Everyone's story is different. Everyone goes through different things so no one can tell you what you should and shouldn't feel, or that they know how you feel because they don't. It doesn't matter how long it's been, you are allowed to feel and heal on your own pace.

So, cheers to this day because if I've made it this far, I can make it even farther, and so can you.