Okay so I'm trying to keep a neutral viewpoint on this situation. Nameless and I are now friends...or "friends"...?
There's so much that I want to question, but because I'm trying be neutral, and trying to act like it's no big deal anymore, I can't just rehash everything right now. I'd probably scare him away. He mentioned how he had no hard feelings, and that the "past was in the past." As if it wasn't a big deal. What bothers me is that IT IS A BIG DEAL. I've been through too much and come to far because of this situation for it not to be a big deal.
And he's basically telling me that he went to great lengths to cut me out of his life for whatever reason, and magically got over that? He didn't make any type of move to contact me for a year, but now all of a sudden it's "The past is in the past, I'm fine with being friends...?" No. Part of me...a lot of me doesn't buy it.
I believe that he probably really does want to be friends, he was probably just waiting for an opportunity. I just don't think we can move forward, or even I personally, can move forward as friends without going back to the past. I like to communicate, if I don't get out what I need to get out, I'm literally your worse nightmare. No, just kidding, but you get the point. If this friendship continues, eventually we'll have to face the past. I, personally, won't let it progress until we do. But at the same time, I'm going to be patient and let everything come out in it's own timing.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Monday, March 14, 2016
Take His Word
I'm so sorry it took me this long to publish a new post.
The hardest thing for me to do was to give God this whole situation with me and Nameless. I mentioned in an earlier post that part of me didn't want to let go of the pain because it was the only thing I had left of Nameless. I didn't know how to let go and move forward. But I did, and by doing so I kind of moved away from God also.
I just felt like by dealing with God, I'd have to deal with the situation, but I was trying to move past the situation. By "moving past" I mean just locking it up and never looking at it again. I tried living as if me and Nameless never happened. As if I were a woman with a fresh heart that's never been taken. Of course it lasted until Nameless himself popped up and ruined that whole facade. Yes. Nameless is kind of sort of back.
It happened unexpectedly for the both of us actually. His openness to friendship definitely took me by surprise. He wasn't the guy who looked at me in the coldest way, the tone is his voice wasn't menacing...it was strange.It's strange because I remember clear as day how he was the exact opposite towards me a was a year ago and to see him now. To see him look at me the way he used to look at me, to see the smirk on his face that would pop up every so often, how he just sat there and listened to me...it all took me by surprise. Like what the heck changed? I mean I know I've been praying for him, but I didn't expect him to be a different person for like another 5 years. No, I'm joking. I didn't know what to expect.
But I remember God saying to me that he would make it right. This could actually be the start to what God said he was going to do, and he always keeps his word. But the problem right now is me. I'm scared and uncertain. I know there's a timing for everything, and God allowed this to happen right now for whatever reason that is. I'm pretty sure God is taking advantage of my uncertainty so I can learn to shut up, and just take his word.
The hardest thing for me to do was to give God this whole situation with me and Nameless. I mentioned in an earlier post that part of me didn't want to let go of the pain because it was the only thing I had left of Nameless. I didn't know how to let go and move forward. But I did, and by doing so I kind of moved away from God also.
I just felt like by dealing with God, I'd have to deal with the situation, but I was trying to move past the situation. By "moving past" I mean just locking it up and never looking at it again. I tried living as if me and Nameless never happened. As if I were a woman with a fresh heart that's never been taken. Of course it lasted until Nameless himself popped up and ruined that whole facade. Yes. Nameless is kind of sort of back.
It happened unexpectedly for the both of us actually. His openness to friendship definitely took me by surprise. He wasn't the guy who looked at me in the coldest way, the tone is his voice wasn't menacing...it was strange.It's strange because I remember clear as day how he was the exact opposite towards me a was a year ago and to see him now. To see him look at me the way he used to look at me, to see the smirk on his face that would pop up every so often, how he just sat there and listened to me...it all took me by surprise. Like what the heck changed? I mean I know I've been praying for him, but I didn't expect him to be a different person for like another 5 years. No, I'm joking. I didn't know what to expect.
But I remember God saying to me that he would make it right. This could actually be the start to what God said he was going to do, and he always keeps his word. But the problem right now is me. I'm scared and uncertain. I know there's a timing for everything, and God allowed this to happen right now for whatever reason that is. I'm pretty sure God is taking advantage of my uncertainty so I can learn to shut up, and just take his word.
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