Living is harder than I thought. There are things that obviously still take me back to the past, and get me thinking, and then I get mad, and start thinking some more...yeah you get the point. The thing is that it's not easy to just put those things aside, no matter how many times I tell myself that I don't want to think about it. And it hasn't gotten easier for me, I've just developed different ways of handling it (some ways being better than others).
Anyway, this brings me to the point of my emotional state. Exterior wise, I'm good. I know how to let on something I'm not, as I mentioned in a post a while back. Inside, however, my tolerance level is low. Super low, in fact, it might as well be non-existent. So when certain things trigger a thought or a memory, one thing leads to another, and I need an escape. I want out, because I can't take it.
The fact of the matter is that no matter how much I "live" and move forward...inside nothing has really changed. I'm still the person who got hurt and left hanging. So does that mean there's no point in moving forward? No. I'm not just going to go sit and wait for craphead to come back around, and clear everything up. He'd have to work a lot harder than that anyway. But there is a point in moving forward. The reason I can still go about my day, and laugh, and have fun is because I'm moving. To me, the important word here isn't forward, it's moving. There's, of course, going to be something that brings you back, and it's going to still hurt, but when you continue to move away from it, instead of giving up and staying there, that just shows how much strength you've gained. So yes, moving forward sucks butt, but at least I'm still moving.
Until Next Time.
