A Reminder

To be able to feel whatever you're feeling, and not let it take over you is a skill. One that I'm still mastering. After the breakup, as time went on, I felt like people were expecting me to be over it, just like that. So I only portrayed what people were expecting by letting them see what I wanted them to see; so that I wouldn't look pathetic in their eyes for feeling the way I really felt. I think that still exists today. I think people are expecting me to be over it and to come to some great realization that nameless is a stupid idiot (which they're not wrong), but it's not about that. It's about how I feel. It's about how long it takes me to actually heal. Not how long it takes to get myself together when I'm around people because they expect me to just be over it.  I gave every inch of my being to this guy, my heart, my trust, everything, and then he fooled me. I can't just get over that. It's not that easy. "It takes 10 times longer to put your self together than it does to fall apart" (Finnick from the Hunger Games). But it doesn't mean that I'm unhappy because in general I'm not unhappy. I was happy before he came into my life, he just added on to my happiness. Now that he's not in my life anymore, there's just an unhappy spot where he used to be (hope that makes sense).

So, a reminder to all of you who are hurt and have been hurt for some time: Don't be embarrassed by the fact that what people are expecting from you is something you aren't able to give them.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be confused. It's okay to not want anyone around you. It's okay to feel, and it's okay to heal at your own pace.

No one will understand what you're going through. But it's okay because they don't need to understand, they just need to shut up.