Let me feel

It's safe to say that I've been through a lot of the motions that comes with heartbreak (I mean it's been a year). And every motion I've been through, I've experienced it deeply. I realized what would effectively get me out of those motions was talking to God about it, but that never took away from how I felt. So now I'm here, knowing exactly what to do in my current "motion," but this is how I'm feeling right now. I can talk to God all I want, I can cry, I can throw things, I can scream at nothing, but that still doesn't take away from how I feel. It just gives me a peace that everything is going to be okay (as it should). In other words, if I feel like I hate Nameless right now, then okay. Does it mean that I actually do? Well, (outside of this current mindset I'm in) no it doesn't. So the thing is that feeling is okay. I don't think I can stress the importance of feeling enough. I think you need it to actually really heal in the end. If I didn't go through any of those other motions: shame, feeling worthless, etc, I don't think I'd be in this position. I had to go through those feelings, to be able to address them to God (even if it took me a while), so that I could know how to move forward from them. I think that confronting your emotions, and knowing how you feel, being aware of it, keeps you from going insane even if you feel insane at the moment. God gave us feelings, and emotions for a reason. We are supposed to feel these things.

The title of my blog even says it all; Tales of a Broken Heart: Juggling with faith, trust, and hope in the midst of heartache. These are all things that I'm currently juggling. Instead of waiting until I get out of it, I'm writing about it now, so that people can easily connect to it when they're juggling with the same things. It's no help when someone has already been through it, and they're telling you what worked for them and that this will work for you, because it doesn't always work that way. Oh, and the worse thing is when they've never been through it, so they think they can tell you how to go through it (know-it-alls).

So yes, you're allowed to be in the funk that you're in, just know how to get out of it. If you're feeling a certain way, don't, and I repeat, do not, let any human being who has emotions just like you, tell you what you should do to get out of it. You have to learn on your own. Because it's not that easy! You know how you feel, and God knows how you feel, that's all that matters.

So in response to the people telling me what I should do:

Let me feel the way I'm feeling right now. I've been through enough of these motions to know what to do at this point. I've cried out to God, yada yada, I've done it all. This is just another motion that I need to learn how to deal with.


Until next time.