Am I actually healing?

As you can see, the theme of this past month has been moving forward. I guess I'm really trying to wrap my head around this concept, and really learn what it means to actually move forward. Does it mean to just stop loving Nameless (You know, that's really what causes all this pain anyway. This undying love that I can't seem to put out for him)? How do I even really heal if I still love him? What is healing in my case? Do I know I'm healed if I'm not crying every time I think about the situation? If I feel peace, instead of old emotions?
I think the big question is: Does all this talk about moving forward mean that I'm in the healing process? I don't know. I think what's really stopping me is the fact that I still love him, like I said. It would be so much easier if I could just stop. Oh my God. That's the freaking problem isn't it? What the heck, man. I guess I was trying to trick myself out of thinking that this whole time, that I completely ignored the fact that my love for him still existed. But now the other big question is: Do I have to stop loving him in order to heal?



Hmm...I'll have to think about that for a while.



Until Next Time.

Dear readers...

I know I took a little break, and I missed the blog's anniversary (which was like 5 days ago). But here's a late thank you to all who have been reading my blog for this past year. I really hope I've helped you in some way. Even if you haven't been through heartbreak, I hope I've given you insight so that you can understand whenever you encounter someone who has. Either way, thank you all again. It's because of you that I'm renewing my domain. The fact that I have people who see this, and who I could be potentially helping in some way, motivates me to keep writing.



I look forward to posting more in the time to come.


With Love,

                       TJM

The mountain

 I feel like I'm climbing this really steep mountain. While I’m walking up this mountain, I can feel my legs burn and my body start to ache. The bitter wind is blowing hard at my face, and sometimes it gets hard to see. But I don't stop because I can almost see the top of that mountain. I can almost see the sun shining right on top of it, and I can imagine how warm it must be up there. So, I keep climbing. Even though my body is in pain, even though the wind is really cold...when I see the top of that mountain, and how promising it looks, it motivates me to keep moving. 

I think this is the best way I can explain what stage I'm in right now. The mountain is obviously my hardship. The climb to the top of the mountain is how I feel going up there. I'm tired, I'm in pain, but I'm not stopping. And I know that once I get to the top, it will all be over.

I say all that to say that I'm not staying in this same place of hurt, in fact, I refuse to. It's just that no matter how much I keep pushing and keep moving forward, the fact is that I'm still going to feel the pain. Moving forward doesn't take away my memories or how I feel, it just allows me not to dwell in them. 

This brings me to another point that when it comes to moving forward, don't let people make you feel like you have to be at a certain point in your journey of healing. For example, for me, I think some people think that I shouldn't be hurt or thinking about Nameless at this point. But it's like the fact that it still happened means nothing. The fact that I entrusted my heart to someone, who just up and left me high and dry, and hasn't done or said anything for over a year now, still happened. All of the promises he made, and the sweet things he said still happened, and all of the hurtful things he said to push me away still happened. 

Years of having a life with him being in it doesn't compare to this year and a half of life without him in it. So excuse me that I can't just automatically stop hurting. Like I said, people who haven't been through it, won't understand. So, don't let other people's expectations, put another weight on you. This isn't their climb, it's yours.



Until next time.