The mountain

 I feel like I'm climbing this really steep mountain. While I’m walking up this mountain, I can feel my legs burn and my body start to ache. The bitter wind is blowing hard at my face, and sometimes it gets hard to see. But I don't stop because I can almost see the top of that mountain. I can almost see the sun shining right on top of it, and I can imagine how warm it must be up there. So, I keep climbing. Even though my body is in pain, even though the wind is really cold...when I see the top of that mountain, and how promising it looks, it motivates me to keep moving. 

I think this is the best way I can explain what stage I'm in right now. The mountain is obviously my hardship. The climb to the top of the mountain is how I feel going up there. I'm tired, I'm in pain, but I'm not stopping. And I know that once I get to the top, it will all be over.

I say all that to say that I'm not staying in this same place of hurt, in fact, I refuse to. It's just that no matter how much I keep pushing and keep moving forward, the fact is that I'm still going to feel the pain. Moving forward doesn't take away my memories or how I feel, it just allows me not to dwell in them. 

This brings me to another point that when it comes to moving forward, don't let people make you feel like you have to be at a certain point in your journey of healing. For example, for me, I think some people think that I shouldn't be hurt or thinking about Nameless at this point. But it's like the fact that it still happened means nothing. The fact that I entrusted my heart to someone, who just up and left me high and dry, and hasn't done or said anything for over a year now, still happened. All of the promises he made, and the sweet things he said still happened, and all of the hurtful things he said to push me away still happened. 

Years of having a life with him being in it doesn't compare to this year and a half of life without him in it. So excuse me that I can't just automatically stop hurting. Like I said, people who haven't been through it, won't understand. So, don't let other people's expectations, put another weight on you. This isn't their climb, it's yours.



Until next time.