Two losses

There came a time when my emotions were at it's peak, like the very tip toppity top of the peak, and I felt like I was losing myself. I had no idea what it meant to really lose someone so important to me. I didn't know I could ever feel this way, that I could feel like something isn't right, something is missing. I would wake up every morning feeling this way, and I still do, I've just gotten used to it. The point is that I wasn't prepared for it, and that guy wasn't either, it was an unexpected turn for the both of us, but it was a choice that this same guy made because he thought he was doing it for my good. Yeah, I said it, my own good (what is he God or something?). He ripped himself out my life because he thought that it would be better for me. I didn't understand because there's no one who could be even better for me than this guy, and instead this guy gives himself a 1 star, packs his bag, walks away, and no matter how many times I tried to call out, he wouldn't look back. If you're thinking that if I love this guy, and if he was wrong, why don't I just tell him? Every time I tried, it only got worse, he became more closed in and just kept pushing me away. Guys are so stupid. They think that they have to be the macho man, and put their foot down when they think they're right. But it's like they don't get it through their thick skulls that their "super-smart" decision is really just a super stupid decision conjured up from their own insecurities, and is only going to do more damage than good.

From the outside looking in, this guy would probably be classified as a jerk. It makes sense, any guy who breaks a girl's heart for no good reason is automatically classified as a jerk. But that's not the point of this blog, I'm not trying to make this guy look like a horrible dude, because he wasn't. Did he make a jerk-move? Yup. Is he being a jerk? Yup. But is he actually a jerk? Not at all. I don't know where his thought process went, and how it led him to do what he did, but I do know that he always had my back. This guy wasn't only my boyfriend, but he was the very best friend that I could ever ask for. So, I had two losses that I wasn't prepared for: my boyfriend, and my best friend.