This title has been quietly sitting in my drafts for weeks. Meanwhile, my mind is the exact definition of this title, so I have no idea why it's been in my drafts for so long. "Out of sight, still in mind" is exactly what has been happening since graduation, the last time I saw nameless. You would think it's a lot easier to not cry, to not be depressed, to basically move on if I didn't have to see his face all the time. But that's just it, I do see his face all the time, in my head, in my dreams. You'd think sleep would be the perfect escape, but no, it makes it harder because I wake up, and that nice long hug that he gave me, that nice talk we had, his explanations and reassurances, they all never happened.
Part of me has hope, part of me wants to give up, all me trusts God, but none of me wants to sit around and wait for my "dreams to come true" or to see if they ever will. Now, even though that "out of sight, out of mind" cliche doesn't apply to me, I do have to say that it gets easier. What makes it easier is not that I'm getting over it, or that the pain is subsiding, no, because it hurts as if it were still a fresh wound, what really makes it easier is that I'm adapting to the pain. It's a lot easier for me to hide my sadness, to hide the pain that I'm feeling because I learned how to (cliche alert) dance in the rain. All thanks to the Big Man upstairs because I don't think I'd do this well if it weren't for him.
Anyway, I learned how to put on a happy face, be the silly person I was before all of this happened, while crying and expressing my hurt/frustrations to God behind closed doors. If I couldn't hold it in while I was in public, I did have friends who were there for me. Although for some, I had to stop showing my true feelings because I felt like they expected me to be over it just like that, but that is for another post. All in all I had to learn how to work my sadness, not let it work me. I'm a girl of major emotion, and when there's something wrong it's all over my face, and when you come up to me, depending on who you are, I'll burst out into tears (I've improved). By the way, when I say that I've learned to "work my sadness," I don't mean that I've been flaunting it around like a trophy, no. I mean that...hm...let's put it this way, it's like wearing underwear; it's there, it's on you, but no one can see it...unless you show it to them. Anyway, people may have different types of "easier," but that's how it has gotten easier for me.
Part of me has hope, part of me wants to give up, all me trusts God, but none of me wants to sit around and wait for my "dreams to come true" or to see if they ever will. Now, even though that "out of sight, out of mind" cliche doesn't apply to me, I do have to say that it gets easier. What makes it easier is not that I'm getting over it, or that the pain is subsiding, no, because it hurts as if it were still a fresh wound, what really makes it easier is that I'm adapting to the pain. It's a lot easier for me to hide my sadness, to hide the pain that I'm feeling because I learned how to (cliche alert) dance in the rain. All thanks to the Big Man upstairs because I don't think I'd do this well if it weren't for him.
Anyway, I learned how to put on a happy face, be the silly person I was before all of this happened, while crying and expressing my hurt/frustrations to God behind closed doors. If I couldn't hold it in while I was in public, I did have friends who were there for me. Although for some, I had to stop showing my true feelings because I felt like they expected me to be over it just like that, but that is for another post. All in all I had to learn how to work my sadness, not let it work me. I'm a girl of major emotion, and when there's something wrong it's all over my face, and when you come up to me, depending on who you are, I'll burst out into tears (I've improved). By the way, when I say that I've learned to "work my sadness," I don't mean that I've been flaunting it around like a trophy, no. I mean that...hm...let's put it this way, it's like wearing underwear; it's there, it's on you, but no one can see it...unless you show it to them. Anyway, people may have different types of "easier," but that's how it has gotten easier for me.
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