Sometimes I can't help reliving my last moments of interaction with this guy. Wait. "This guy" needs a name. How about...nameless. His name will be nameless because I'm not going to name him. Anyway, in each of those moments that I do relive, I think of what I could have said to maybe convince him that he was wrong, that he was making a big mistake. I replay the whole scene but in each scene I say something different, something more heartfelt. I do this because Sometimes, I'll think of what really happened, what I really said, and I wonder if maybe that wasn't enough. Maybe I needed to be more convincing. I relive each moment like it was yesterday, and the feelings that come back are so fresh that it feels like it only happened a few hours ago. I sure do cry like it happened a few hours ago (yes I still cry).
But no matter how many different ways that I play out the scenes in my head, it won't change what really happened. Being stuck between reality, and imagination is what's keeping me in this place of "would've, should've, could've", and it's a hard place to get out of.
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