August 12th, which was yesterday, marked eight months of nameless and I being apart. Yes, in honor of our eight month break-up anniversary I could have written this yesterday, but I didn't feel like it. This is the longest that we've ever gone being apart, and I have to give a round of applause to myself for staying this sane (clap, clap). Eight months going strong and sane, and I have to give all of the credit to Jesus, because it was not a smooth ride.
Even if it was a month, a week, or whatever, that's still something to celebrate. Why? Because it doesn't matter how much pain you're in, if you go weak in the knees when you see him, how badly you lose focus when he walks by you, no. What matters is that you are still standing, and that you are continuing to push through the pain. Meaning that you are not harming yourself, not looking pitiful to draw attention, and not showing him you're phased by it. You can be in a much pain as you want, but as long as you look strong on the outside, you'll be succeeding more than you know because you'll have everyone fooled even him. Nameless has a certain way of dealing with things; he won't show how it really affects him, and that's what I had to go through in high school. I had to watch him act like he didn't give a freaking crap about me, and it hurt like heck because I knew him so well that I knew exactly what he was doing, I knew how he really felt, and he knew that I knew that. Which is why he went to great lengths to make his act look as real as possible. Of course no one else saw past it but me, so I had to carry that burden. Although there was one level-headed person who didn't fall for it, and believed me even when I didn't believe myself, and I'm so grateful for her. Anyway, It took me a while, but I figured that if he can act like he's not phased, then why shouldn't I? He looked like he was doing a lot better than I was, and I got really tired of it, but that's what he wanted me to see. Haha (lightbulb), so I joined him in the game, why let him play alone? Where I am now, is definitely not where I was eight months ago, but I sure did fake it till I made it here, and I've gotten so good at it.
Even if it was a month, a week, or whatever, that's still something to celebrate. Why? Because it doesn't matter how much pain you're in, if you go weak in the knees when you see him, how badly you lose focus when he walks by you, no. What matters is that you are still standing, and that you are continuing to push through the pain. Meaning that you are not harming yourself, not looking pitiful to draw attention, and not showing him you're phased by it. You can be in a much pain as you want, but as long as you look strong on the outside, you'll be succeeding more than you know because you'll have everyone fooled even him. Nameless has a certain way of dealing with things; he won't show how it really affects him, and that's what I had to go through in high school. I had to watch him act like he didn't give a freaking crap about me, and it hurt like heck because I knew him so well that I knew exactly what he was doing, I knew how he really felt, and he knew that I knew that. Which is why he went to great lengths to make his act look as real as possible. Of course no one else saw past it but me, so I had to carry that burden. Although there was one level-headed person who didn't fall for it, and believed me even when I didn't believe myself, and I'm so grateful for her. Anyway, It took me a while, but I figured that if he can act like he's not phased, then why shouldn't I? He looked like he was doing a lot better than I was, and I got really tired of it, but that's what he wanted me to see. Haha (lightbulb), so I joined him in the game, why let him play alone? Where I am now, is definitely not where I was eight months ago, but I sure did fake it till I made it here, and I've gotten so good at it.
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